Oceans

What comes to mind when you think of water?
I’m sure you’ve never gotten that question before—at least, I haven’t. Water is essential to life. It’s satisfying to drink and beautiful to watch. It can also be dangerous when a storm is present.

When I was a child, I LOVED being in the water. My dad got a pool when we were younger, and we would spend all day in it until we were wrinkly. We’d be famished and could eat up the entire house. As I got older and started getting relaxers, my visits to the pool became infrequent. Then I got old enough to realize all the disgusting things that can happen in pools…code brown, anyone? Ugh! Eventually, I stopped going altogether. However, from time to time, I’ll still stick my feet in to cool off.

I feel like my spiritual life has been like that at times. If you ask me, I’ll tell you that I completely trust God. However, there are some areas that have been sealed off like hazardous material. I remember about 10 or 11 years ago hearing “Oceans” by Hillsong UNITED. There was a part of the song that stuck with me—something I longed for so deeply but wasn’t sure I’d ever reach in my faith. I loved it so much that I even had it tattooed on me: Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders. I feel like God is calling me into that now. And by golly, it is both scary and freeing. The song later goes on to say:
Let me walk upon the waters wherever You would call me.
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander, and my faith will be made stronger in the presence of my Savior.

See, I told you—I live my life through song. Did you think of the song immediately when you saw the title? It’s okay if you didn’t. Eventually, you’ll catch on and start singing random songs too.

Okay, back to being serious. Speaking of leaning into a space without borders, this feels like my life right now. I feel like the Lord is calling me into a place that’s scary because I haven’t planned my lifeline—my way of how I think it should look. I’ve been thinking I’m clever, like I can out-trick God. (This is where you should literally LOL. Ha!) How foolish of me. I know I’m delaying the inevitable, but I’m still hoping I can have a real Gideon moment.

Do you know about him? Gideon’s mentioned in Judges 6, during a time when the Midianites were oppressing the Israelites. God called Gideon to be part of the story of Israel being saved. Let’s jump to the end of the chapter, where my “life”—or at least my attempt—intersects with what Gideon did and asked of the Lord:

Judges 6:36–40
36 Then Gideon said to God, “If You will save Israel by my hand, as You have said—
37 behold, I am laying a fleece of wool on the threshing floor. If there is dew on the fleece alone and it is dry on all the ground, then I shall know that You will save Israel by my hand, as You have said.”
38 And it was so. When he rose early next morning and squeezed the fleece, he wrung enough dew from the fleece to fill a bowl with water.
39 Then Gideon said to God, “Let not Your anger burn against me; let me speak just once more. Please let me test just once more with the fleece. Please let it be dry on the fleece only, and on all the ground let there be dew.”
40 And God did so that night; and it was dry on the fleece only, and on all the ground there was dew.

I feel like the Lord has told me to move, and I’ve been asking for a fleece moment. But what if this is one of those moments where He wants to lead me where my trust is without borders? It doesn’t make sense, and I’ve wrestled with it. If I’m being honest, there’s a part of me that feels peace. But there’s also a part of me craving clear, definitive answers—like the ones He’s given me before.

I’ve asked friends to pray for discernment and that I hear from the Lord clearly. Trust me, where He’s leading me is definitely not the place I would’ve chosen for myself. Talk about an unexpected journey. This wasn’t on my bingo card. Bucket list. Top ten. Whatever you want to call it. It has me excited-nervous because I trust Him, and I only want to be where He leads me. But I also know it won’t be all gumdrops and sunshine—because I think He wants to do some overdue healing. I can tell by my adverse reaction to it. I’m not ready to say it out loud just yet, because guess what? I’m still holding out. Maybe I didn’t hear correctly...

It’s okay if you judge me. Sometimes, I judge myself.
I’m learning that walking with God doesn’t mean you’ll fully understand every step. That’s hard for me. But I truly want a life with no restraints and no limitations when it comes to my relationship with my Father and Savior.

I hope you’ll continue to stick around for the journey—and that you, too, can let the Spirit lead you into unknown territory, trusting fully in the One who knows and sees it all.

Much love,
Dani